WILDLY OPEN

“Write when you’re bleeding, publish when you’re not”.  (Author Unknown)

I saw this quote on social media but I can’t find it now, so I cannot give proper credit; which really weighs on my mind, because it is truly brilliant.

As someone who writes about my life experience, I am familiar with the clarity writing can bring to a particularly bloody inner battle. I also know that none of that stuff should see the light of day until the hemorrhaging has stopped.

This is why I’m not going to talk about this summer.  Not yet. It has been one of the most difficult personal journeys I’ve known. And I’m still finding my way. There is Light filtering through the dark canyon of the last few months. Not clarity exactly, but a sense of which way is forward.

Things began to lighten when the summer retrogrades started to shift. But, this Change Me Prayer created space when things were closing in around me.

WILDLY OPEN

Change me Divine Beloved into One who is wildly open to whatever needs to occur at this turning point.  Let me trust where You guide my own heart.  Let me know that perfect actions are shown at the right time.  Fill me with patience and clarity. And let me be genuinely kind to myself and others.

All is well.

Change me O Beloved into One who is WILDLY open and trusting of Your plan despite any current uncertainty. Let me trust that You know exactly where the heck You are guiding me, even if this is not currently apparent.  (From Change Me Prayers by Tosha Silver)

I read it. I wrote it out. I read it two or three times a day. And when it wasn’t in front of me, I recited the parts I could remember.

And things began to move. There was the feeling of spaciousness within this oppressive change energy. Then  ~   I was given a task.

“GRATITUDE”

When the Divine gives you a task, it is undeniable. It can seem to be one of your own thoughts at first. But, after it shows up as an Oracle card, and then a song, you have to admit that it’s being suggested ~ strongly.

And the truth is, I am grateful. For all of it. But, specifically…

* My dad,  ~ and the day he called me a quitter.

* The moment I decided my worth was all wrapped up with being

sexy.

* A mate who reinforced both of these things for most of my adult life.

* Being able to see this much bigger picture.

*  The oh, so sudden recognition that I put myself in the life

circumstance I’m experiencing right now. And that it has a

purpose. It is not random. It is the perfect unfolding. No matter

how painful at this moment.

* Teachers. The Ones who give me validation and hope. And the

Ones who give me something to struggle against.

* My body. It has done all that I asked of it. Always. Thank you.

*  Eckhart Tolle. Seriously. Being in the moment has saved my life

so many times this summer.

* This house.  And the knowledge that I do not care about

new houses or fast cars.

 

My GRATITUDE LIST goes on and on. It is laced with big things like I just mentioned and little things like Sharpie Markers, Hummingbirds, my bed, autumn days, ripe plums, good neighbors, SLEEPING DREAMS!  And so many more things that I will add to my brightly colored gratitude list over the next days and weeks, because “Thank You” is the most important prayer there is, I think.  It’s on the list of Outrageous Openness tools. And… it was suggested. Strongly.

Thank You, Divine Beloved, Angels and Guides for all of it. The whole messy, perfect, Beautiful Life you’re leading me through.

I am so very grateful.

 

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Finding God at the Laundromat

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July 9, 2018

In the flow of Divine Love, inspiration is all around. As if I’m swimming in an ocean of possibility and Is-ness ~ a feeling or knowing that everything is already in motion, being created, is already created. Everything just is. In the most reassuring way, even to the point of making faith unnecessary. It feels like Heaven on Earth…

I’m writing this as my clothes are on the spin cycle at my local laundromat. A thing that I intermittently see as a burden and a joy.

I put off coming here because of dread~until I have nothing left to wear. This week I even bought a new pair of jeans because I avoided the laundromat so long. And some days, it’s a zoo in here and I can’t wait to get out. But a lot of days it’s actually great. There are  “Regulars” whose company I enjoy, even if we don’t interact beyond greetings and see you next times.

There’s an older, Hispanic gentleman who I swear is Divine Love Herself. In the brief moments we share our thoughts about the current weather, I feel seen in the most loving and gentle way. The smile that crosses is face when he looks up from his word-find to greet me, holds pure delight. And something that feels like deep recognition. If he looked up one day and said “I know you”, I would have to respond “And I know you”. And nothing more would need to be said.

As I sit with my legs extended on this bench, watching my sheets wad up in the huge dryer, I have never felt more alive, at peace and on fire in my entire life. The deeper I go into offering, the more I understand that often, the situations I offer are transmuted.

When I was first learning about offering and it was more of an intellectual understanding, I felt like if I offered something I was struggling with, that thing would change. For example; the fact that I have no indoor plumbing and have to use a porta potty and the local laundromat. My intellectual understanding told me that if I offered it, Divine Love would orchestrate a plumbing miracle and I would much sooner have indoor plumbing.

I still believe that could happen, if that was the Highest outcome. But what has happened already is that I’ve been changed in such a way that I am able to ~ I even want to stay present in these moments of “in between”. I don’t want to miss a single thing. Even the stuff I dread. Maybe this is one of the joys of a life of offering during a retrograde summer. Maybe I am more patient with what’s happening (and not happening).

I will tell you that before I learned about living in a state of Outrageous Openness           I would have gritted my teeth and “gotten through” this summer, instead of feeling absolutely held in Divine Love even sitting at the laundromat. And really, what could possibly be better than that?