“Write when you’re bleeding, publish when you’re not”. (Author Unknown)
I saw this quote on social media but I can’t find it now, so I cannot give proper credit; which really weighs on my mind, because it is truly brilliant.
As someone who writes about my life experience, I am familiar with the clarity writing can bring to a particularly bloody inner battle. I also know that none of that stuff should see the light of day until the hemorrhaging has stopped.
This is why I’m not going to talk about this summer. Not yet. It has been one of the most difficult personal journeys I’ve known. And I’m still finding my way. There is Light filtering through the dark canyon of the last few months. Not clarity exactly, but a sense of which way is forward.
Things began to lighten when the summer retrogrades started to shift. But, this Change Me Prayer created space when things were closing in around me.
Change me Divine Beloved into One who is wildly open to whatever needs to occur at this turning point. Let me trust where You guide my own heart. Let me know that perfect actions are shown at the right time. Fill me with patience and clarity. And let me be genuinely kind to myself and others.
All is well.
Change me O Beloved into One who is WILDLY open and trusting of Your plan despite any current uncertainty. Let me trust that You know exactly where the heck You are guiding me, even if this is not currently apparent. (From Change Me Prayers by Tosha Silver)
I read it. I wrote it out. I read it two or three times a day. And when it wasn’t in front of me, I recited the parts I could remember.
And things began to move. There was the feeling of spaciousness within this oppressive change energy. Then ~ I was given a task.
When the Divine gives you a task, it is undeniable. It can seem to be one of your own thoughts at first. But, after it shows up as an Oracle card, and then a song, you have to admit that it’s being suggested ~ strongly.
And the truth is, I am grateful. For all of it. But, specifically…
* My dad, ~ and the day he called me a quitter.
* The moment I decided my worth was all wrapped up with being
* A mate who reinforced both of these things for most of my adult life.
* Being able to see this much bigger picture.
* The oh, so sudden recognition that I put myself in the life
circumstance I’m experiencing right now. And that it has a
purpose. It is not random. It is the perfect unfolding. No matter
how painful at this moment.
* Teachers. The Ones who give me validation and hope. And the
Ones who give me something to struggle against.
* My body. It has done all that I asked of it. Always. Thank you.
* Eckhart Tolle. Seriously. Being in the moment has saved my life
so many times this summer.
* This house. And the knowledge that I do not care about
new houses or fast cars.
My GRATITUDE LIST goes on and on. It is laced with big things like I just mentioned and little things like Sharpie Markers, Hummingbirds, my bed, autumn days, ripe plums, good neighbors, SLEEPING DREAMS! And so many more things that I will add to my brightly colored gratitude list over the next days and weeks, because “Thank You” is the most important prayer there is, I think. It’s on the list of Outrageous Openness tools. And… it was suggested. Strongly.
Thank You, Divine Beloved, Angels and Guides for all of it. The whole messy, perfect, Beautiful Life you’re leading me through.
I am so very grateful.