What If This Is It?

What if this is all there is? If who I am right now is who I will always be? No grander purpose than living an ordinary life. Is that enough? For me, I mean. I already know it’s “enough”. At least I should know it. And cognitively, I do. But, I’ve always had this secret belief that I’d do something, well… more. 

Here’s the proof… I wrote this in a journal a million years ago when I was in my twenties;

I Believe…

… that my Higher Power is a part of me.

… that what is true about me is housed in my Soul.

… that the God I know may not be the God known by someone else.

… that if I live my life listening to the voice that is my Soul, my inner compass will   remain closer to “True North”. 

… that it is when I get into the ego part of myself that confusion is pervasive. 

*.. that there is something I am meant to do in this life. 

*… that what I survived as a child is a key to my purpose here. 

*… that in my Soul I have a gift from God. If I choose to follow my heart, that gift will become a way for me to touch the world. 

Part of me is embarrassed that I felt so important. Another part of me says for that critical voice to sit down and shut up. Because I am important. We all are. 

But what if I never realize any more lofty purpose here than just getting up every day and offering my whole self to Love? What if nothing grand ever shows up at my door and says “Go out and teach the world how to overcome childhood trauma. Open a center. Write a book. Fill a lecture hall with open hearts and minds, then speak to them.”

Is that okay? To me, I mean.

What would happen if I stopped waiting? What would my days feel like if I relaxed into them a bit more? If, after awakening and saying ~

“Let the Highest begin to occur in this life.

Let me remember why I was born on this Earth and what the Soul is here to accomplish

And use me to that end.” (Tosha Silver)

What if I just breathed in and out all day, did the work that I do, created things as I’m drawn to create, practiced deep gratitude for all that I am and all that I “have”, and served my community in whatever ways I’m drawn to serve?

What if I stopped expecting to be offered something grander than that? If I stopped waiting for my holy purpose to show up and treated my whole mundane life like it is my Holy Purpose? 

Just as it is ~ ordinary.

 

“Divine, change me into One who can offer my whole Self to you in every moment.

Even when my mind tells me I’m not enough; let me feel Your presence in the every day activities of this life.

Act through me. Speak through me. Write through me. Let me find you shining brightly in my own Being ~ and in the faces of All I meet.

Even if this is all I’ll ever be. If I never “touch the world”. If I’m already living “my purpose”…

I’m in.

I am utterly Your own. ”

 

(Don’t look now, but I think I may have just discovered true surrender)

 

 

 

 

 

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Finding God at the Laundromat

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July 9, 2018

In the flow of Divine Love, inspiration is all around. As if I’m swimming in an ocean of possibility and Is-ness ~ a feeling or knowing that everything is already in motion, being created, is already created. Everything just is. In the most reassuring way, even to the point of making faith unnecessary. It feels like Heaven on Earth…

I’m writing this as my clothes are on the spin cycle at my local laundromat. A thing that I intermittently see as a burden and a joy.

I put off coming here because of dread~until I have nothing left to wear. This week I even bought a new pair of jeans because I avoided the laundromat so long. And some days, it’s a zoo in here and I can’t wait to get out. But a lot of days it’s actually great. There are  “Regulars” whose company I enjoy, even if we don’t interact beyond greetings and see you next times.

There’s an older, Hispanic gentleman who I swear is Divine Love Herself. In the brief moments we share our thoughts about the current weather, I feel seen in the most loving and gentle way. The smile that crosses is face when he looks up from his word-find to greet me, holds pure delight. And something that feels like deep recognition. If he looked up one day and said “I know you”, I would have to respond “And I know you”. And nothing more would need to be said.

As I sit with my legs extended on this bench, watching my sheets wad up in the huge dryer, I have never felt more alive, at peace and on fire in my entire life. The deeper I go into offering, the more I understand that often, the situations I offer are transmuted.

When I was first learning about offering and it was more of an intellectual understanding, I felt like if I offered something I was struggling with, that thing would change. For example; the fact that I have no indoor plumbing and have to use a porta potty and the local laundromat. My intellectual understanding told me that if I offered it, Divine Love would orchestrate a plumbing miracle and I would much sooner have indoor plumbing.

I still believe that could happen, if that was the Highest outcome. But what has happened already is that I’ve been changed in such a way that I am able to ~ I even want to stay present in these moments of “in between”. I don’t want to miss a single thing. Even the stuff I dread. Maybe this is one of the joys of a life of offering during a retrograde summer. Maybe I am more patient with what’s happening (and not happening).

I will tell you that before I learned about living in a state of Outrageous Openness           I would have gritted my teeth and “gotten through” this summer, instead of feeling absolutely held in Divine Love even sitting at the laundromat. And really, what could possibly be better than that?

What is Divine Offering?

Offering Front Page

of·fer·ing
ˈôf(ə)riNG,ˈäf(ə)riNG/
noun: a thing offered, especially as a gift or contribution
As I pondered how to begin this journey of offering, I wondered what the word meant according to Merriam Webster. I smiled at the definition because I hadn’t thought of it as simply a gift. I had considered it to be more of a burden… offering all my issues, angst, unsolvable problems to a power greater than my human-ness.
But, I’m falling in love with the idea of it being a gift. In fact, I’m thinking I could have been wrong about it ever having been about burdens at all.
I learned about offering from Tosha Silver ~ and if you’re here, reading this and you’re intrigued in the slightest, you have to see what she’s all about.
After I read Outrageous Openness , I was hooked. After reading Change Me Prayers, The Hidden Power of Spiritual Surrender, I became one of her students.
As her student, I have learned how to be Outrageously Open to my own Inner Divine. To feel so incredibly Loved. To have faith that everything that’s meant for me will find me. I’ve learned that in offering all of myself to Divine Love, things unfold in miraculous ways. Ways I couldn’t have predicted or manifested if I’d tried. There is a peace that I can’t explain. There is child-like wonder for this crazy, beautiful world. A sense of wonder I haven’t had in far too long. There is also a deep sense of purpose to my life now that I was beginning to think I would never find.
This experiment in radical offering was inspired by Tosha’s teachings. It is meant to chronicle what happens in my life when I embrace my own Divine Beloved fully, behaving as if I knew every moment, every day, that I am taken care of, Loved beyond measure, and am absolutely enough.
Here. We. Go….