What if this is all there is? If who I am right now is who I will always be? No grander purpose than living an ordinary life. Is that enough? For me, I mean. I already know it’s “enough”. At least I should know it. And cognitively, I do. But, I’ve always had this secret belief that I’d do something, well… more.
Here’s the proof… I wrote this in a journal a million years ago when I was in my twenties;
… that my Higher Power is a part of me.
… that what is true about me is housed in my Soul.
… that the God I know may not be the God known by someone else.
… that if I live my life listening to the voice that is my Soul, my inner compass will remain closer to “True North”.
… that it is when I get into the ego part of myself that confusion is pervasive.
*.. that there is something I am meant to do in this life.
*… that what I survived as a child is a key to my purpose here.
*… that in my Soul I have a gift from God. If I choose to follow my heart, that gift will become a way for me to touch the world.
Part of me is embarrassed that I felt so important. Another part of me says for that critical voice to sit down and shut up. Because I am important. We all are.
But what if I never realize any more lofty purpose here than just getting up every day and offering my whole self to Love? What if nothing grand ever shows up at my door and says “Go out and teach the world how to overcome childhood trauma. Open a center. Write a book. Fill a lecture hall with open hearts and minds, then speak to them.”
Is that okay? To me, I mean.
What would happen if I stopped waiting? What would my days feel like if I relaxed into them a bit more? If, after awakening and saying ~
“Let the Highest begin to occur in this life.
Let me remember why I was born on this Earth and what the Soul is here to accomplish
And use me to that end.” (Tosha Silver)
What if I just breathed in and out all day, did the work that I do, created things as I’m drawn to create, practiced deep gratitude for all that I am and all that I “have”, and served my community in whatever ways I’m drawn to serve?
What if I stopped expecting to be offered something grander than that? If I stopped waiting for my holy purpose to show up and treated my whole mundane life like it is my Holy Purpose?
Just as it is ~ ordinary.
“Divine, change me into One who can offer my whole Self to you in every moment.
Even when my mind tells me I’m not enough; let me feel Your presence in the every day activities of this life.
Act through me. Speak through me. Write through me. Let me find you shining brightly in my own Being ~ and in the faces of All I meet.
Even if this is all I’ll ever be. If I never “touch the world”. If I’m already living “my purpose”…
I am utterly Your own. ”
(Don’t look now, but I think I may have just discovered true surrender)