The Last Place I Saw God

When we misplace something, the first thing we usually do is trace our steps back to the last time we remember having it. But, what if you don’t remember having it? Like our seemingly unending search for God; it’s not as if we lost Him.

Or did we?

Tosha Silver leads her students through a meditation to reclaim the Throne of our Hearts. The first few times I relaxed into this meditation, I so wanted to reclaim a throne.  I mean, who doesn’t want to sit on a throne? When I closed my eyes,  I could easily see a throne… it just wasn’t my throne. I think it may have belonged to the Empress on The Neverending Story. I tried many thrones from many movies, but none of them felt right. It was forced. Fake. I was trying. And in meditation, when you’re trying, nothing happens.

But, when Tosha said “It will feel like plugging into your power”, I knew exactly what this throne looked and felt like.

It was the last place I remember knowing God…

I’ve been visiting this place pretty often these days. It began as a memory, because it is an actual place. I realized not long ago, that the memory of being there had more depth of feeling than other childhood memories. So, out of curiosity, I visited the place in my mind’s eye ~ slowly approaching the yard gate… a gate that has appeared in many recurring dreams over the last fifty years. Interesting, right?

I entered the front yard of my earliest childhood memory. I felt the warmth and rough solidity of the sidewalk beneath my bare feet. I saw the rectangular, white house with its daffodil flower bed acting as a protective threshold.

And I saw the three year-old girl in the shade of the elm tree that reached its lovely branches over the front step. She sat on the bottom step, her knees falling to her right as she faced the screen door.

This is her Throne. As I held her in my mind’s eye, I could feel her. The whole yard was held in the invisible Divine. I felt encompassed by the Love she was bathed in.

She sat, completely immersed in conversation with Spirit. No doubts. No fear. No sadness. Utterly connected to Heaven. As if she was still as much there as here.

She is the One who has been patiently awaiting my return. My three year-old inner kid who knows God. She’s been here all along as I have traveled the path of forgetfulness ~ now and then reminding me with dream images of a yard gate.

Now I visit this place not as a memory, but as the place within me where I am always with God. Where God and I are One. The Throne of my Heart.

Sometimes I bring another of my inner kids to this magical place to be bathed in Divine Love. To a place of remembering their Divinity.



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